#Slice #wankwednesday

Well it's Wednesday again and another chance to try and write something hot and smutty for Ruby - read the others or post your own HERE

"I love them darling" she had gone on about them for long enough there was no way I wouldn't have bought them for her! You would think she would want a present that didn't relate to work but Joyce was never off duty, even at home she would prepare exotic meals when sometimes all I wanted was something plain like chicken, chips and gravy. As I walked out of the kitchen she started pulling things out of the fridge and throwing them onto the counter to try them out.

I sat down and switched on the tv sighing she would be in there for hours chopping and slicing away. As soon as that thought went through my mind I could hear her slice, slice, chop, chop. Turning the tv up louder I sighed again and wished that she loved me as much as she loved cooking. I nodded off to the gentle sound of the knives going up and down in the kitchen and the dull roar of the tv almost blocking the sound of them out. The next thing I knew Joyce was straddling me and kissing my mouth still tasting of the strawberry she had obviously just been eating. I laughed "I love you too sweetie" She kept kissing me and pushed harder with each kiss her tongue probing my mouth and licking leaving the faint taste of strawberries in a trail behind her.

Just as I was getting to the point of throwing her onto the couch she jumped up "don't move a muscle". I was intrigued to say the least and looking at my watch she had only been in the kitchen for about an hour. So it wasn't some exotic banquet at least, my waistband was getting a bit too snug for these amazing feasts everyday. Joyce walked over with a tray covered with a tea towel and straddled me again putting the tray to the side of us. "I. Love. You." she said punctuating each word with a kiss. "Ceramic is definitely the best". At that she pressed her lips hard against mine banging my lip against my teeth and drawing blood. I could feel her pulling at my belt until she got it open and then struggling with my buttons, as I went to give her a hand she pushed me away and carried on fumbling with them with one hand. The other was to the right of us at the tray but at the angle I was sitting I couldn't see what she was doing. Closing my eyes I gave in to her attentions enjoying the roughness of her kisses and feeling my tensions sliding away.

Joyce pushed me over on the couch and pulled my jeans from me leaving me with nothing else on, "oh so no knickers you dirty little girl" she laughed. I often liked to wear nothing under my jeans so she wasn't really surprised in fact she looked absolutely delighted. As she bent over to the tray I got a glimpse of orange under the tea towel. What she had in her hand was however not orange! It was a cucumber or rather it used to be a cucumber, now it was carved into a twirling tower that looked like a screw. Joyce laughed as she almost read my mind about it being a screw "yes exactly what I had in mind for it too" and she grinned and headed towards the very wet patch developing on the couch below me. She pushed it through my curls already damp due to her kisses and pushed gently, turning as she pushed. Yes it was definitely a screw I thought as I moaned out loud as the cucumber disappeared into me. I came almost immediately as the coolness touched me in a way that surprised me, as it grew softer; my contractions and come making it turn to mush in places Joyce pulled it out and discarded it on the tray.

I lay there gasping and trying to get my breath back as she laughed and removed something else from the tray this time it was orange! This looked like it was never a carrot Joyce having carved it into a cock with veins and all! Who knew she was such a talented carver I thought as she held it up to her mouth and gave it a kiss on it's perfect tip! Running it down between my breasts she almost slipped it in straight away due to the wetness that was now pouring out of me. "Oh no not that quickly!" she laughed as she ran it back up my body and neck and to my mouth. "Show me how you would give me head if I was a guy she murmured". I could see she was extremely turned on and she gazed at me holding the carrot to my mouth and waiting for me to start. I wrapped my lips around it slipping all the way down to the base and her hand backwards and forwards as she straddled me panting. I looked at her as she watched me giving the carrot the blowjob of its life and knew that she was nearing the edge, she pulled the carrot from my mouth and rammed it into me with no softness ramming it again and again until I thought I was going to explode. Watching her closely I held on waiting and gasping until we both came with Joyce on top of me and the carrot between us.

After we had calmed down we lay on the couch and I laughed at how good a carver she was. "I practised for hours on radishes years ago you have no idea!" At that she lifted the tea towel and underneath were another 2 carrots and cucumbers perfectly carved waiting to be cooked by us. As I looked at her I smiled "For once my darling I love the birthday present I bought you!"